Monday, October 27, 2008

What a Vice President Does (The less, the better.)

The Vice President is just there to serve as a backup in case the presidential disk crashes. There is also the rarely required tie-breaking vote in the Senate. NOTHING ELSE.

Voters hope that if a VP assumes the presidency, ongoing administration policies will be continued, but the new guy has no obligation to do so. Ideally, a running mate is chosen based on sharing the philosophies of the main candidate.

All of this adviser, lobbyist, little helper, ghetto enforcer, brains behind the machine, surrey-with-the-fringe-on-top window-dressing is not why we have one. Although a VP can come in handy to represent the U.S. at foreign funerals, or to toss out the first baseball of the season.

A conscientious VP would spend time every day reading the congressional record, the newspapers, twitter, and anything the president sends over.

The idea is to stay informed, to be ready if called upon.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Vote Like a Pirate

Aye, the tide is turning me fine lasses and laddies. Election day draws nigh and soon we'll be having a hack and slash sword fight with the scurvy varlets of that bilious Brigantine known as the S.S. Diebold as they divide up the resultin' booty. A call rings out across deck-plank and dock, 'All ashore that's goin' ashore!" Unabashed Republicans the likes o' Colin Powell and Representative Jim Leach have let it be known to one and all that a McCain presidency is a calamity up with which they will not be puttin'. Television talking heads such as Katie Couric and David Letterman find it impossible to interview an R candidate without lapsin' into eyerollin' and into lip curlin' sneers. Chris Matthews expressed his disgust that McPain has no idea what the constitution is tellin' us about what a vice president does, and R speechwriter David Frum says that while he may still vote for his lily-livered passel of lamers, he washes his hands of the ham-handed hodgepodge they've been after foistin' upon the American people.

These hard-core henchmen of the establishment are like rats leavin' a sinkin' ship. Conversly, they are like new-signed landlubbers anxious to get their sea-legs under 'em as the ship of State casts off for new waters. Middle of the roaders hate to be left stradling a gangplank as it folds up for four years of hold storage.

So pack yer hardtack and put on yer Sou'Wester. It's time to fish or cut bait.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Andbing Owashisnamo

I posted a Twitter about making beet juice. Beets can stain your skin or your clothes resulting in a MARK OF THE BEETS. This sounds like a name. It follows the same form as Robin of Locksley, Will O'theWisp, and Bugs Bunny's friend: Cirrhosis of the Liver. let us look into into the Prisstopolis phone book to see what similar names lie on the "O" page:

First, there are names employing an apostrophe

Tortoise O'Hare
Cree O'LadyMarmelade
Port O'potty
Jell O'Puddingpop
Son O'Vagunwe'llbehavin'somefunonthebayou (A fine film. It was a sequel to the documentary treatment of his father.)

Then, some names that do indeed start with "O"

Ro-de O
Desert Oasis
Atlantic Ocean
Pacific Ocean
Cinccinatti Ohio
Holly Oleeoxenfree
Aut Omation
Jackie Onassis
Show Opening
RedroverredroversendPrisstopolisright Over
Fatal Overdose

And finally, some people are listed who have first names that begin with "O" and really belong on other pages.
E., O'Mall
Swamp, Okefenokee
Isme, Ohwoe
Dale, Over
Hill, Over

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Plumber Joe, Surfer Joe, Peggy Sue

I haven't seen Mark Russell on a television set near me lately, but he used to show up several times a year on public channels with his red, white, and blue draped piano and political satire set to Broadway tunes. The last time that the stock market suffered a "correction," he explained that two days earlier had been "Black Monday, followed by Gray Tuesday, and today is Beige Wednesday."

Wikipedia informs me that Marky-baby is still above the sod. I never saw him use any rock and roll songs, but he's my inspiration for this little ditty.

Do you know plumber Joe
Keeps your float valve on the go
That plumber, plumber Joe-ho ho
Oh when you gotta go you you need a plumber in the know

Kitchen sink, to pour a drink
Like to hear those glasses clink
I neeed a workin' kitchen sin-hi-hink
Can't pour a drink without a workin' kitchen sink

Water flow, money dough
Cheddar to top your nacho
He's keepin' your taxes lo-ho-ho
Because a liquid lucre has got to have that flow!

(Chuck Berry style guitar solo)

Quarter mill, such a thrill
Or just a think tank well-paid shill
This message is getting shri-hill-hill
We can fix this mess if you just let me DRILL BABY DRILL

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Adequately Insulating

Just for Moderatly Entertaining, Today I had occasion to ask a shopkeeper if there were a hat department.

There was!

I did not take the game to the next level of asking for the back-up hat department. And I left without any new millinerial acquisitions. Their selection was simply not up to muster.

In another venue, I was able to procure a CTJ.* It has a hood, which somewhat obviates any hatational requirements.

*CTJ is the Prisstonian word for winter outerwear. It is an acronym for Coat 'til June.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

A Brand New Dance Now

The governor of California is asking Congress for an estimated seven billion dollars because in his lean, mean, low-taxing machine, there is suddenly not enough money to run the State.

According to the Treasurer of California:

"California may be forced to halt or significantly delay payments for teachers' salaries, nursing homes, law enforcement and 'every other state-funded service. . .'"

I can imagine all of those public servants, including the groundskeepers and cafeteria workers, missing a paycheck and filing for unemployment benefits. --Of course there would be no one on hand to process the paperwork.

Just like the private bailout, this is being framed as a loan, in this case a short term one. So if we "print money" to give to California, and then they pay it back, it could be removed from circulation with no harm done right? Except I don't think it works that way, I think that the money supply will just expand that much faster.

And California can't be the only place with liquidity issues. Get ready for the rest of the States with skinflint "small government" legislatures to hold out their hands on the Beltway breadline.

The bailout boogie is just beginning.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

May you have sweetness in the New Year


"midriff-bearing" in avoidance of bearing down

I posted a response to a Slate column purely to question their word choice. The article discussed and linked to an advertising campaign for hormonal contraception. It compared birth-control pills (so five-minutes-ago,) with a silicon pessary (up-to-the minute, plus it may even tone your abs.)
This consummate acquiescence to a manufacturer in the form of product placement was disappointing to me, because it advances the pharmaceutical industry message that choosy (non)mothers choose pregnant mare urine. There are methods that don't involve hormones at all, and I would like to see those promoted and made easier to use.