Thursday, October 23, 2008

Vote Like a Pirate

Aye, the tide is turning me fine lasses and laddies. Election day draws nigh and soon we'll be having a hack and slash sword fight with the scurvy varlets of that bilious Brigantine known as the S.S. Diebold as they divide up the resultin' booty. A call rings out across deck-plank and dock, 'All ashore that's goin' ashore!" Unabashed Republicans the likes o' Colin Powell and Representative Jim Leach have let it be known to one and all that a McCain presidency is a calamity up with which they will not be puttin'. Television talking heads such as Katie Couric and David Letterman find it impossible to interview an R candidate without lapsin' into eyerollin' and into lip curlin' sneers. Chris Matthews expressed his disgust that McPain has no idea what the constitution is tellin' us about what a vice president does, and R speechwriter David Frum says that while he may still vote for his lily-livered passel of lamers, he washes his hands of the ham-handed hodgepodge they've been after foistin' upon the American people.

These hard-core henchmen of the establishment are like rats leavin' a sinkin' ship. Conversly, they are like new-signed landlubbers anxious to get their sea-legs under 'em as the ship of State casts off for new waters. Middle of the roaders hate to be left stradling a gangplank as it folds up for four years of hold storage.

So pack yer hardtack and put on yer Sou'Wester. It's time to fish or cut bait.


Vezquex said...

Um, what?

Prisstopolis said...

Dinna be trollin' my piratical political diatribe as if ye were a trawler trollin' fer mackerel with five-mile-long non-biodegradable driftnets made o' nylon netting.

After Chris Matthews recorded this statement:

Keith Olbermann expressed all o' the same points in his louder funnier style.

Here is David Frum in print conceeding any chance o' the R party receivin' any votes.

(I haven't found an internet clip of the Frum TV appearance I saw, but it was even more negative.)

Sailing society and terra firma tribes alike want to be on the winning side. That's why news organizations are bein' bombarded with skewed up statistics from push polling to posh palatial neighborhoods. Push polling is when you make most o' the questions prejudicial. So that after bein' asked a series of: Do you believe in freedom of religion, do you believe in food and shelter, the questions segue into, would you vote for our guy if this were the ONLY way to keep cute puppies from starving to death? And then at the end, are you voting for a, b, or c.

So the simple-minded media alternate between saying that Obama is ahead in more states every week by comfortable margins, that McCain has given up on WI and despairs of any chance at Fla., AND WITH SAYING THAT IT'S ALL TIED UP, THE ODDS ARE EVEN-STEVEN.

I've yet to meet this "Steven" feller, but I suspect he's receivin' payments from some right-wing contributor with an oligarchian agenda.

Vezquex said...

Aye, 'tis much clearer now.