Vote Like a Pirate

Aye, the tide is turning me fine lasses and laddies. Election day draws nigh and soon we'll be having a hack and slash sword fight with the scurvy varlets of that bilious Brigantine known as the S.S. Diebold as they divide up the resultin' booty. A call rings out across deck-plank and dock, 'All ashore that's goin' ashore!" Unabashed Republicans the likes o' Colin Powell and Representative Jim Leach have let it be known to one and all that a McCain presidency is a calamity up with which they will not be puttin'. Television talking heads such as Katie Couric and David Letterman find it impossible to interview an R candidate without lapsin' into eyerollin' and into lip curlin' sneers. Chris Matthews expressed his disgust that McPain has no idea what the constitution is tellin' us about what a vice president does, and R speechwriter David Frum says that while he may still vote for his lily-livered passel of lamers, he washes his hands of the ham-handed hodgepodge they've been after foistin' upon the American people.

These hard-core henchmen of the establishment are like rats leavin' a sinkin' ship. Conversly, they are like new-signed landlubbers anxious to get their sea-legs under 'em as the ship of State casts off for new waters. Middle of the roaders hate to be left stradling a gangplank as it folds up for four years of hold storage.

So pack yer hardtack and put on yer Sou'Wester. It's time to fish or cut bait.