Ahoy Planets New, With My SISTER CREW

(More from Little House on the Prairie in Outer Space opening credits.)

Starring

PRISS PRISSTOFFERSON

BELLE UNDERHILL and FELICE NAVIDAD

Little House on the Prairie IN OUTER SPACE

The series continues. (Sing this to the tune of the Little House on the Prairie TV Show.)

When the great plains aren't vast enough
And Walnut Grove town is stifling
It's time for a change
So lets re-arrange our molecules
And teach galactic school

"The Prairie" 's the name of our rocket ship
Left western horizons for beyond
If energy ports
Should morph out of sorts there's hydrogen
In Plum Creek and Blackberry Pond

Laura's a whiz at the tiller
Mary's clairvoyant carefree
Our computer "Pip"
Is Paw (in a chip) and Jack-kuri
Is our Robo-puppy

Off to new worlds and more planets
Big, small and some frothy foam
Why we pioneer?
The answer clear that soon we'll find
A place for our new home

Plumber Joe, Surfer Joe, Peggy Sue

I haven't seen Mark Russell on a television set near me lately, but he used to show up several times a year on public channels with his red, white, and blue draped piano and political satire set to Broadway tunes. The last time that the stock market suffered a "correction," he explained that two days earlier had been "Black Monday, followed by Gray Tuesday, and today is Beige Wednesday."

Wikipedia informs me that Marky-baby is still above the sod. I never saw him use any rock and roll songs, but he's my inspiration for this little ditty.

Do you know plumber Joe
Keeps your float valve on the go
That plumber, plumber Joe-ho ho
Oh when you gotta go you you need a plumber in the know

Kitchen sink, to pour a drink
Like to hear those glasses clink
I neeed a workin' kitchen sin-hi-hink
Can't pour a drink without a workin' kitchen sink

Water flow, money dough
Cheddar to top your nacho
He's keepin' your taxes lo-ho-ho
Because a liquid lucre has got to have that flow!

(Chuck Berry style guitar solo)

Quarter mill, such a thrill
Or just a think tank well-paid shill
This message is getting shri-hill-hill
We can fix this mess if you just let me DRILL BABY DRILL

Bliss Stick

You can use it to point
To gesture emphatically
It is made out of wood
But didn't grow on a tree

4 out of 5 non-dentists
Would be forced to agree
That the bamboo back scratcher
Delivers ecstasy

LOLCATS ARE EVERYWHERE

(Sing this to the tune of Love is In The Air. The unitalicized parts are spoken.)

IM ON UR BALCONY
PEEKIN' THROUGH UR WINDOWPANE

UNDERNEATH UR LINDEN TREE
WITH A SONGBIRD I HAVE SLAIN

and if you think that something is hidden
that you've got it safely tucked away
i assure you it won't stay forbidden
because seek and destroy's how we play!

IM CRUISIN' UR PANTRY
LOOKIN' FOR MY FAVORITE SNACKS

I TAKE DOWN NOTES FROM UR CORK BOARD
LINE UR COMPUTER CHAIR WITH TACKS

lolcats are always on missions
on a stealth undercover foray
we dont lolly-gag making decisions
we're the cats that have something to say

lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo
lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo

Waiter, there's LOLCAT in my soup!
It`s catching Albondigas!

Waiter, now the cat is in my salad, what's it doing there?
Stalking animal cracker croutons!

IM IN UR DRESSER DRAWER
TRYIN' ON UR UNDERWEAR

I BRING FIELD MICE TO UR DOOR
'CAUSE I ALWAYS LIKE TO SHARE

the pond in ur yard is inviting
it's more fun than a big ball of twine
got my eyes peeled for the next frog sighting
all ur base koi are gonna be mine

lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo
lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo

Why did the lolcat cross the road?
To look for a cheeseburger!

Wild Saffron

(Sing this to the tune of: It's Amore)


Elton's electrical boots
Match his scratchy hair suit
It's a mo-array

All of the Extra Virgin Olive Oil Kids Go for a Swim in the Hot Tub

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)

Rachel TeeVee chef pro
Wed Shakespeare"s Othello
Now She's a Moor-Ray

The happy couple are said to be honeymooning in the Congo.

Filk Mania Continues

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)


When you're a Brontė
And Heathcliff's far away
That's a Moor. Eh?

Variations on a Squeam

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)

When the sun's in the skies
And it just starts to rise
That's a morn. Eh?

Make a white sauce with cheese
Pour it over green peas
That's a mornay

Do controlled study
Sole survivor's B
Data's a mourn A

Should a Parliament need
More "Aye" votes to proceed
That's a more "Nay"

Stop me before I filk again! More Amore

(Sing these to the tune of: That's Amore)


Here's another recycled one:

When you toast marshmallows,
Place on Grahams, add chocos
That's a 'smore

AND A TOTALLY ORIG NEVER SEEN BEFORE ANYWHERE:

Prayer to a bird profane
Hebrew words used in vain
That's a Sh'ma Ra

Filk!

What can I say about "The Callahan Touch?" Put simply, this book is crap. In the course of moving some books off of shelves and into boxes, (more on that sitch will be shared if all goes well,) I came upon one of those Spider Robinson books that he cranked out between real novels to pick up cash, and to see the names of all of his friends set into type. Crap it is, but fun crap. A pause to race through it uncovered a section of parody lyrics to "That's Amore." The lawnmower verse was missing, it must be in another of the Crosstime Chronicles. My best recollection of it goes:

Runs on gas, Goes putt-putt
And your grass, it can cut
That's a mower eh?

And It's possible that I might have seen these before:

Milwauk' goil, newsroom toil
Mister Grant is her foil
That's a Mary

Man from Ork I think he
tried to grope Mindy's knee
Said she, "Mork 'kay"

Drawfs or dads, Springer cads
And the wives of thse lads
Also go on Maury

Dorothy's aunt dug for gold
Struck it rich, so I'm told
That's Em ore


There are many more, and I've decided to add some original (as far as I know) contributions to this Amaretto libretto.

Zee French bride eez lovely
and her husb, what of lui?
That's a mari

Dress of blue, 72
Martyr dudes, she well knew
That's um, a houri