It’s a tropical rain forest out there

The one good thing about having to buy a battery for my car is that I distinctly felt scoped out by mechanics and by guys shopping for tires. I always notice that at car places. Does motor oil have testosterone enhancing properties?

Attempting to sooth my auto anxieties, I continued on in search of diet Pepsi in a bottle. This required a visit to Safeway, because the market I usually frequent has sold its soul to the merchants of Coke. I also got a full box of Satsuma oranges. Amazingly, considering my mood, I got out of there without succumbing to the lure of chocolate.

In literary news, Zbigniew is reading The Jungle as a school assignment. He asked me, “What country are these people in?” I said America. Then I asked if anyone had been cooked yet. I was referencing the part about the guy who “went out with the meat.” Zbig said, "They haven't even gone to the jungle yet, they are still in the city!”

Very quick post of Holidayness

There was some beautiful singing, a delightful discussion about goats, and no interpretive dancing whatsoever. The dancing comes tomorrow. Tonight's final hymn was described as: "actually it's a gospel song, it comes from a verse in Exodus."

The tune was clearly western and not at all southern. If we must be ecumenical, let us keep our semantics in order.

It was darn catchy too. I'm humming it as I type

Apply Directly to the Forehead

Stone Fruit

Prufrock consider'd
a peach.Nectarines hadn't
been invented yet.

We welcome you (fa lalala lala la lala la lala)

My

very

elegant

mother

just

sat

upon

nine

porcupines.


eXCELLENT!

Ringworld Theme Song

(Sing to the tune of The Love Boat)


space
with my homie crew
an adventure
for one louis wu

it’s a circle
around a star
you can tour it
in a hover-car

the ringworld
halo around a sun
the ringworld
technical treasures to be won

landscape molded
as for a model train
to a plan
formed by an ancient brain

the ringworld
one million miles from side to side
the ringworld
planets filletted and butterflied


(Hand-jive rap section)

to live forever would be nice
that’s why i use booster spice!

it has two heads and lives in fear
species peirson’s puppeteer

make sure you don’t buy the farm
take teela brown, your lucky charm

ah
ah
kzinti!

gesundheit.

Creeping Soonerism

Happy 4th of July Day Eve. As I drove home, I saw wiley parade-gawkers placing their lawn chairs along the curb. They are doing this to reserve front row spaces for an event that won’t begin for another 14 hours.

I consider this practice to be impolitely unsportsmanlike.

It would serve em right if not all of the chairs survived the night.

Maybe if the sets each lost one.

How about just if the sets were scrambled up. Our fellow citizens who have smugly finagled the first-come, first-served principle beyond its intended use would find themselves with (oh horror of horrors!) an unmatched set.

Perhaps they are all colorblind and would not even notice.

But more likely:

They are forced to miss precious moments of synchronized stroller teams and pirates making noise with cap guns as they run around using their barganing skills to try to end up with a matched set once again.

House (Theme Song)

Sing this to the tune of "Everyone Knows It's Windy"

You need a medical detective
When it feels like there's something wrong
If you're a fan of biting invective
He'll diagnose it before long

When you pet your Pekingese
Watch out for Bubonic fleas
You feel an itch at your knees
And vainly scratch
But they attach!

You cuddle with your main squeeze
Not thinking of STDs
But research with green monkeys
Led to a bite
And a parasite

That rash shaped like fleurs des lys
Might indicate leproses
Or maybe just allergies
It's hard to tell
But you're starting to swell

And nine-day-old porridge pease
Are fluent in Botulese
Which leads to paralyses
You can't take off
Can't even cough

Bacterial colonies
Or scary malignancies
An excess of manganese?
What e'er the spoor
He'll find the cure

You need a medical detective
When it feels like there's something wrong
If you're a fan of biting invective
He'll find the problem before long