LOLCATS ARE EVERYWHERE

(Sing this to the tune of Love is In The Air. The unitalicized parts are spoken.)

IM ON UR BALCONY
PEEKIN' THROUGH UR WINDOWPANE

UNDERNEATH UR LINDEN TREE
WITH A SONGBIRD I HAVE SLAIN

and if you think that something is hidden
that you've got it safely tucked away
i assure you it won't stay forbidden
because seek and destroy's how we play!

IM CRUISIN' UR PANTRY
LOOKIN' FOR MY FAVORITE SNACKS

I TAKE DOWN NOTES FROM UR CORK BOARD
LINE UR COMPUTER CHAIR WITH TACKS

lolcats are always on missions
on a stealth undercover foray
we dont lolly-gag making decisions
we're the cats that have something to say

lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo
lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo

Waiter, there's LOLCAT in my soup!
It`s catching Albondigas!

Waiter, now the cat is in my salad, what's it doing there?
Stalking animal cracker croutons!

IM IN UR DRESSER DRAWER
TRYIN' ON UR UNDERWEAR

I BRING FIELD MICE TO UR DOOR
'CAUSE I ALWAYS LIKE TO SHARE

the pond in ur yard is inviting
it's more fun than a big ball of twine
got my eyes peeled for the next frog sighting
all ur base koi are gonna be mine

lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo
lolcats are everywhere oo--oo-oo woo--oo-oo

Why did the lolcat cross the road?
To look for a cheeseburger!

Give em Hell Helen

My local PBS (Channel 9) shows a BBC news report late at night. It generally takes a more critical look at US government policy than our namby pamby networks do. Last night they showed a clip from a presidential news conference where Helen Thomas, not decked out in her Reagan era shocking red dress, but clad modestly in a pale blue skirt and cardigan WAS LECTURING President Bush to the effect of:

You caused this war, and you could stop it!

Thomas is stooped over with age at nearly 87, but is still vigorous, loud, and dramatic. It was great to see.

I'd like to add link to a transcript of the news conference if it is online, and to get the exact quote. The references to it I've found so far don't seem to be accurate.

Bird Rescue

A starling fell down my chimney today. I was watching the ladies of the view when I heard a scuffling that was louder than the usual squirrel on the roof or woodpeckers trying a taste of the siding. I followed the noise to the living room fireplace where a small bird was trapped behind the steel mesh curtain. I wondered if it could fly out again, but after watching it try a few times and go crashing down, it was apparent that it couldn't do this on its own. With each attempt, more soot was stirred up into the air and cast out onto the hearth. The bird's lungs must have been taking in a heavy dose of ash particles. I didn't want to let it fly around indoors, and I didn't want to get pecked, but leaving it in place to die slowly of dehydration and black lung disease would be too cruel. In the garage, I found a huge plastic tote that was somewhat transparent and a board to cover it with. I parted the screen to the width of the plastic box, and used the board to cover the remaining gap at the top. Amazingly, after only a few minutes, the bird hopped right in. I lowered the board, mousetrap-style, and then was able to move it and close the lid of the tote. Out on the deck when I opened the tote, the bird wasn't able to get enough loft to escape. But as soon as I turned the container on its side, the bird flew away, lighting in the branches of a tall pine.

Swim Smut

Yesterday I walked into a a hardware store and bought a complete ballcock assembly. I didn't blush or giggle. I am however, posting about it on my journal. That's the equivalent of giggling about it now.


Now for what it took for me to get back in the water:

*I bought a new swimsuit. It is tastefully black.
Feeling confident at having the appropriate wardrobe, I renewed my pool membership.

*In acknowledgment that post-workout muscle fatigue makes it even tougher to step on the clutch, and that I generally have trouble doing that even under normal conditions, I picked up that other really old Volvo that I'd been considering getting. It's an automatic. That's right, I bought a car.

*On the way to said pool, I stopped at a sporting goods shop and purchased a new pair of goggles.


Lap count first day out (Friday): 10 kick board, 10 crawl, 6 kick board.
Lap count for Wednesday: 2 kick board, 20 crawl, and 8 kick board. Then asked the white-haired guy in the next lane if he liked the hand paddles he was using. He handed them over for me to try, so I I did 2 more crawl with them.

Lovely as it was, the experience did not achieve perfection. The pool is too warm, the hot tub is not hot enough, and neither are the showers. I won't be bothering with the tub anymore, It doesn't feel good enough to warrant the time spent.

Wild Saffron

(Sing this to the tune of: It's Amore)


Elton's electrical boots
Match his scratchy hair suit
It's a mo-array

All of the Extra Virgin Olive Oil Kids Go for a Swim in the Hot Tub

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)

Rachel TeeVee chef pro
Wed Shakespeare"s Othello
Now She's a Moor-Ray

The happy couple are said to be honeymooning in the Congo.

Filk Mania Continues

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)


When you're a Brontė
And Heathcliff's far away
That's a Moor. Eh?

Variations on a Squeam

(Sing this to the tune of: That's Amore)

When the sun's in the skies
And it just starts to rise
That's a morn. Eh?

Make a white sauce with cheese
Pour it over green peas
That's a mornay

Do controlled study
Sole survivor's B
Data's a mourn A

Should a Parliament need
More "Aye" votes to proceed
That's a more "Nay"